im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
