She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
