how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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