no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
