Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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