I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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