I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
