12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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