He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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