...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
