Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
