In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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