Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize