Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
