Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she woke up with a sticky ear
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
