I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
