I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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