there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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