you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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