Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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