rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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