Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
