Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
