Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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