Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
