remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
