i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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