I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
