Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i already hear my dad disowning me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
