Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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