remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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