what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
