also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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