Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
