Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize