and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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