there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
