he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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