I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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