Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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