that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
