my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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