My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
