**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
