Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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