when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
