Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
