Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
