i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
