Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
