You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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