i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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