I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
