Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
