I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize