I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
