I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
