Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize