I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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