dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
