I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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