the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
