tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
