he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
