shes about as inviting as chlamydia
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
