just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
