so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
vagina is talking i cant
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
